Swimming with Sharks

the unknowns of life

My Mother Swims with Sharks.

This summer I was given the incredible gift of swimming in many bodies of water. From the freezing northern Scottish waters, a French lake, suburban Californian swimming pools, all the way to the Hawaiian paradise of warm crystal blue horizons.

Open water swimming has opened new depths of love for the sport for me. Having swum competitively since age 5, the black line is something that has brought both incredible opportunities as well as disappointment. Some of my closest friends in life were made in the pool. Swimming opened the door to UC Santa Barbara where I learned the grit of 21-hour training weeks and learned my identity was beyond my performance or times.

If you know my mother, you know she is a swimmer. She was the first female All-American at UC Berkeley. She was in the right place at the right time… Title IX had just been passed and she'd had some great races that year which placed her in the hall of fame. The water has been a significant pillar for our family. My two sisters were Division 1 water polo players and continue to swim into adulthood. We grew up body surfing in New Jersey in the summers, learning to love the ocean. Water is an environment that takes us out of our normal ways of breathing and being and requires us to float, kick, pull and move within rhythm and holding breath. It's another world we enter into, submerged into weightless being - taking us back to our embryonic beginnings.

Swimming has been a mode of survival in difficult seasons. My mother has been battling cancer on her body for the past three years, but swimming has been the daily routine outside of chemo that keeps her embodied, healthy and connected to community. She has been swimming with Walnut Creek Masters since 1998 - it's truly a village of water people who show up for one another. She loves to swim and structures her life to be able to work out daily even in the busiest seasons.

This summer we were at the Mauna Kea in Hawaii, a ritzy resort known for stunning views that gives a few day passes for visitors. Hannah, Mom and I were excited to set off for a long three-mile swim around the reef towards Hapuna beach on the other side. It was a swim my mom had done before and we were quite confident as the water was calm and clear. We put on our bright colored buoys and reef-safe sunscreen and set off with smiles and few cares. Despite our mom having stage four colorectal cancer and being 62, she easily keeps our pace (often beating me in the pool on distance sets). Hannah, the fearless water polo player was our guide as my mom and I are a bit more unsure with the open sea as trained pool swimmers. It was a beautiful day and we decided to turn back in deep open water rather than go all the way into the neighboring beach.

We were far from shore - people were tiny dots on the beach as we swam a mile back through open water. We noticed jet skis in the cove, annoyingly creating waves that made the water rough. As we swam closer, we noticed swimmers and snorkelers quickly swimming to shore. A buzz was about the waters and we overheard one young man say "the lifeguards told us to come in, a shark was sighted swimming from the next beach over…"! We hustled our little booties to shore as fast as we could, learning a 16-foot tiger shark had been swimming right where we were! I spoke with the lifeguard who shared that the shark had been seen earlier that week and he saw dolphins out with us, probably keeping us safe in deep waters from the presence of the shark. We later learned tiger sharks are one of the most aggressive shark species and are known for attacks in Hawaii. We were unaware we were swimming in dangerous waters.

Open water swimming comes with the respect and awareness that you are sharing an environment with other creatures. We were in the shark's home. There is always the possibility of encounter with the wild when you leave shore. The ocean is not a swimming pool with lines and walls. It is the wild unknown.

Cancer is like swimming with sharks. It's scary, unknown and the potential of attack, danger or even death is ever-present. We could've stayed close to shore that day, or stayed out of the water altogether as comfortable beach bums. Yet, we chose to adventure into the waters of unknown and came out safe and alive - acutely aware of the gift of protection and life.

Our experience was a taste of what my mother lives daily. She is aware cancer is in her body somewhere, present like a tiger shark, trying to get to safer waters. By God's grace, my mother is full of vitality despite the wear and tear this disease has mentally, physically and emotionally on so many. Today she goes into a big surgery to attack cancerous cells in lymph nodes and around her liver. It's scary and unknown, but also a necessary step of faith and action toward healing.

Surgery, chemotherapy and the healing journey is like stepping off the shores of safety and swimming in the waters of unknown. My mother swims with sharks. My mother swims.

Thank you all for your prayers and encouragements during the past few years of this BIG open water swim called cancer… we are swimming together through the unknown waters. Sometimes the water is murky, cold and deep… other times it's warm, beautiful and full of miracle and wonder. All in all, the water we are in is holy and full of grace.

photos by Peter Lundblad, taken in Kona a few days before the Mauna Kea swim at the harbor for the Iron Man swim… That day the waters were rough and we didn’t complete the full course due to major swells. No shark (that we know of) that day, but the photos capture a bit of the spirit of open water joy and adventure.